The slippers of Napoleon’s sister have been found!
How we loved her royal smallness, all four inches of
her feet. She was the measure of all women: easy
to pick up, easy to transport. We hope the recent
excavation of a pair of Viking feet will put an end to
discussion of whether they had feet or pairs of feet.
It is certain that those feet were not the missing feet
of the king, probably chopped off when a Victorian
outhouse was built on the site of the long-lost Greyfriars
church. Considering the ongoing bodily insult to the king
makes us eager to share our thoughts about our own
bodies and our feet and many other things pertaining
only to us. On exhibit: a foot pendant made of mammoth
ivory, which may have been used as a talisman against
illness and bad luck. That’s what we’d have used it for.